she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
