Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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