It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
did i just pee glitter
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
