Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
