is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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