so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
