oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
