i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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