I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
