My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
