I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Two words: nipple clamps
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