If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
