does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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