This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
