addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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