Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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