God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
