we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
