Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
