Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
