Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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