If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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