Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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