Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
