i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
