I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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