My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
