I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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