Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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