I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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