My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
