hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
