didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
