remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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