You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
