I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
