1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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