Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
