You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
