got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i came on her dog
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
