just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They took my balls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
