my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I have vodka in my lungs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
where are my eyebrows?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
