dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize