9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
