"it" just moved
she woke up with a sticky ear
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize