he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I cut my penus on the lid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
