just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
