My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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