and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
