you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
