can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
