i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
