she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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