Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
