you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize