Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have feelings that need drinking.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
