He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
