What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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