PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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