as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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