He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
