he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize