Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
