I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
